As of tomorrow at 1:20 in the afternoon, I will have blogged everyday for 100 days. Wow! This seem like a lot to me, but I am only at 10% of my goal of 1000 days of trust. On the eve of my 100th day I was thinking maybe it would be appropriate to have some kind of celebration. Instead, I find myself feeling solemn, even sad. Today I have a familiar but uncomfortable feeling; doubt has arrived on my doorstep. This is the kind of visitor you hope won’t stay long. Doubt is the opposite of trust and works to undermine everything…your work, your beliefs, your life. It fosters a lack of confidence, delays decision and saps your energy. That is how I feel right now.
Some of my doubtful thoughts sound like this: maybe I should focus on work that gives me more financial security… maybe I’m all alone in my passion… maybe the message is too idealistic… maybe I am being to honest and open… is any of this going to make a real difference… am I wasting my time?
I am not sure why I am feeling this way… maybe part of it is other stresses going on in my life. I suppose that everybody has days like this, I certainly have had my fair share. The answers to some of these doubtful thoughts may be No… maybe I won’t have the impact on people that I want… maybe I won’t be able to make enough money to sustain the effort… maybe I don’t have as much to say about this subject as I would like.
There is a famous quote from the play 1776 where George Washington sends a messenger to round up supplies for his troops with the message, “Is anyone there? Does anyone care? Does anyone see what I see? “
He was fighting the most important battle of his life and he needed help. I guess that is how I feel about trust in our world. Does anyone else see the mess that we are in? Does anyone else see where we are headed? We have a great future but in order to get there we need a real shift in the way we collectively think and act.
No matter what, I have to pursue what I believe is important. I know there are no guarantees and every worthwhile project requires risk. Maybe, just maybe, there is a chance that I am on target. So as uncomfortable as it may be, I need to keep going. What else could be more important to our future than this issue of trust?
I think I might have just talked myself into picking myself up and moving on. It’s hard to be at your best when doubt is present. Tomorrow will be another day and I will have a chance to start again. For now I accept my doubt knowing that it will not last forever. I hope to make a comeback tomorrow… we shall see. I have not given up, just feeling very human today.
